ED hell

I have a nasty secret,
I can't tell you what I do.
I wish that I could trust you,
I wish you did it too.

Maybe then you would understand
The hell that I go through.
The ups and downs, the good and bad,
Or maybe you'll judge me too.

The voice inside my head
Tells me it's not bad.
It tells me to keep going,
It'll be worth it in the end.

If what I'm doing isn't wrong,
If my actions are so right.
Why is it I hate myself?
Why do I cry at night?

Keeping it a secret,
Hiding it so well.
Never speaking out,
Afraid to show and tell.

Climbing slowly out,
Only to fall back in.
No one really understands,
They don't know how hard it's been.

Fighting to lose weight,
To be the PERFECT size.
My body fights back hard,
It fights to stay alive.

Little comments hurt so much,
They hurt more than you know.
You couldn't possibly understand,
I refuse to let it show.

Eating and then throwing up,
Or not eating at all.
That is how my story goes,
That's what will make me fall.

I have a nasty secret,
I can't tell you what I do.
So I'll keep it a secret,
And someday I'll tell you.