No offence, please listen and try not to take this in a negative way, but this poem seemed to struggle from the start towards the ending stanza. It lacked enough description or imagery to keep the reader entertained, and the questions asked near the begining, weeren't the most thought provoking. You have a decent structure, but it was rocky in some points, most near the final lines of each stanza as though you weren't sure what to rhyme with. Try reading this poem aloud and writing it without wondering what word to use to rhyme, just write it out without rhyming, then with rhyming, see which one gets your point across better. Learn a more advanced vocab, not much so you're looking in a dictionary every second, just a word here or there. Try and connect to your reader, what are they interested in that you are. Word your questions to ask profound questions--and use it rarely. Ask somebody to read your poem, here their suggestions. Do not take things too negatively, they will notimrpove your writing if you refuse to understand advice. Keep writing, it's the only way to get better at it. |