Understandably Difficult

I can only stream tears
while reaching for my answers.

Only wanting to become
the girl I see in my dreams.

Wondering why such
repetitive compulsions can't
escape my body.

Wishing on that shining
yet dull star there up
above my window sill.

Counting down the time
I have left to show
just what I want to be seen.

Stopping myself before
giving myself the chance.

What would it have been
like to not have been
brought into this world?

Slumping onto my bed
crying myself to sleep.

Rhythms of my heart beating
deep into my chest
keep me alive.

And before i lay my
head on my pillow and sigh
I can only find it difficult
to understand just why.