Very, very descriptive. Almost story-like. Good job. You were close to creating a real feeling of suspense, and you would have it was a story. Nice work.

Oh dear me.

That's not what I think when I think of a mother. My goodness. that was very very dark. It was extremely well written though, and it had great imagery. Everything about it was great. Good job!

-mo-

I am sincerally sorry if your own mother evokes this type of response from you. It is so clear that this one you speak of is letting her anger consume her. Good work!

I feel like I've read this before.

The emotions weren't raw, which is how I like them best. I think if you just poured it out instead of word-searching (which is what I see here) it would sound more cohesive and less clichéd. I think you have potential.

This is a well executed poem, tight and to the point of scaple sharp touching of the receivers' very fibres and sinewy strings played! It is well worth the experience, however, I am on the subjective edge of making it worth a 5 because there is something about the last line that just doesn't seem right :) for the overall delivery.

This kept me reading all the way through i really enjoyed this piece. very shotr and too the point but i can see the effort put into it.

Wow. Very deep, but well written. It kind of creeped me out to read. I almost felt like my mom was coming after me, lol. But very good work =)

5/5

In response to your message:

If you want to make this poem more personal, I suggest you describe the elements of it more thoroughly. Go into detail about the anger, fill in the blanks. Tell me the emotions you feel from her pupils, what color they are, etc. How exactly does the rage feel to you- frustrating, bottled up, explosive... How do you process that this evil comes from your own blood and family. Who or what is being failed?

Just keep expanding on it.

Uh.... wow? I think that's what I'm looking for. My parents make me feel the same way. It's important to learn to block it off and see them as your parents, and that's it. Their "word" isn't the rule - it's up to you as you grow to figure out what the real "word" is. You make your own choices as you get older, and they make you realize so much more.

My best advice - go to school or work full time and make a lot of friends. Stay out of the house and get your mind preocupied on your life. Sorry for ranting, just wanted to tell you what helped me! Well, the Army helped too, but you dont need that, lol.

10/5

Amazing poem :)