Comments : Show Me What Love is Like.

  • 16 years ago

    by Blissful

    Great title! Caught my attention. :]

    1st Stanza.
    I loved your first line. It had so much hope in it from the beginning that I knew I was going to enjoy this piece. I loved the imagery painted in my mind with words like "oozing" and "fading" The way you expressed the light at the end of a dark time was flawless because when he go through hard times sometimes the light is masked and we cannot see it therefore we lose hope but you dont lose hope which is great. :]

    "the sad thoughts that once overpowered my decisions-
    are quickly fading away; optimism is becoming visible"
    ^I loved the truth and power behind you words. Eeverything felt so real.

    2nd Stanza.
    "It seems not too long ago I was hurting so much-"
    ^I dont like the use of "so much" here. It feels out of place next to your advanced vocabulary. It kind of dumbds down the poem and you dont wanna do that after such a powerful first stanza.

    "I'm ready to love again, and give love another chance."
    ^The second love would sound better as it.

    3rd Stanza.
    I loved this stanza! Has to be the best in the poem and which made me love this piece so much! Lips desiring for his kiss, soul yearning for his love, oh boy how I can relate with that so easily. It all felt so real for me and made it that much more fun to read.

    "Give me your love; I'll give you the same in return."
    ^I love the blunltness here. Sometimes its just that simple, you want to give your love to someone that will give you theres. So true....

    4th Stanza.
    I loved this ending! So much power behind your words that I was just left blown away. You could have not ended this better, it just completed the poem flawlessly. Show me what love is like! Beautiful.

    "Desperately awaiting that day that I fall for you-
    everything to fall into place, and be the way I expected."
    ^I dont like your use of fall here twice. Kinda weakens the opening.

    Well done.
    I loved it!
    *5/5*

  • 16 years ago

    by Adelle

    Everything in this piece just works the emotions are their, you have a good well thought out choice of words and it flowed very well. I can only see one things that would help this poem and that is a small grammer mistake " things can be overcomed" - things can be overcome
    Well done on this piece

  • 16 years ago

    by BREEawNUHH

    I loved this. I thought it was very sweet. Also, I like the title. It's simple, but appealing. I didn't find anything that I disliked, but I did find something minor..

    "It seems not too long ago I was hurting-
    never believed I'd overcome this and move on.
    I'm slowly realizing, things can be overcomed-
    time just has to pass so that things can happen.
    I'm ready to love again, and give it another chance."

    -- "Overcomed" is not a word. It's "overcame", I believe.

    That's the only thing, though. Everything else is great. Five out of five. [5/5]

    ``Briana

  • 16 years ago

    by LoreNz0

    With poems like this id love u forever. i love how uplifting this poem is, and how much care and consideration it brings forth through love. vert touching