Secret

I've held on to this secret for so long
and now
you have some idea of it,
but you don't know it all.
I've waited to tell you
for what seems like forever,
but now the time is here
and I don't know what to do.
I am sorry it did not come from my lips
the first time you heard,
that was not my intention
when I first began to trip.
I do not want your questions to go
unanswered.
I want to tell you exactly how I feel.
I want you to know.
I kept myself quiet trying to supress
the beating of an aching heart.
Hoping it would either stop beating
or need someone else's caress.
My heart would break
with every word you spoke,
hearing a sense of confusion, and I
told myself 'I am not his to take!'
Everytime you came into a room
I turned inside out
blood rushed from my feet to my head
as I attempted containment so as to not have you assume.
Evidently the blood seeped through my cheeks
or else we would not be here...
In this situation
without a paddle, up a creek...
but you cannot tell me
that not one beat of your heart
did not call for me,
Because I know it did,
it had to!
Please just satisfy me
and lie if you will.