There's Us

by Viola   Aug 29, 2008


You cut me out in little stars,
And placed me in the sky.
I've never known joy that way.
I've never been that high.

What did you turn to in all these years,
When I wasn't there?
Where do you rest your bones today?
Well wherever you are,
I hope you're happy now.
Yeah, I hope you're happy now.

I hope your eyes still shine,
Like pretty lights,
When the whole world falls around you.

And maybe, just maybe you're looking
At these stars too,
Thinking about the days...
I was thinking of you.

I only hope I get to see joy that way again
Someday.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by ShootingStar179

    This poem really, really confused me. The overall message behind it was a little jumbled. At first, I thought it was going to be a happy poem about a great boy. Then, you said "I hope you're happy now.
    Yeah, I hope you're happy now"

    Usually when someone uses that phrase, it gives off the emotion of anger. So then I thought you were bitter over a loss. Okay, I can deal with that.

    But THEN, you wrote about their eyes shining, so now I get the feeling you miss them. So I can't tell whether you're angry, sad, or well-wishing (I have no idea if that word exists, btw). Then you end with a feeling of even MORE confusion by saying you hope you see them again. It's just really confusing.

    To be a little nitpicky, your first stanza is good. Simple, but good. I automatically assumed you would use the ABCB rhyme scheme that was there. But then you stopped rhyming. Either continue rhyming, or don't rhyme at all.

    Overall I think this piece could be great, if you developed your emotions more and technique.

    Have fun writing!

  • 16 years ago

    by Joe

    I liked it becuz it reminds me of my situation.
    5/5

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