Don't be mad because it aint that bad
She's here around somewhere to be had.
The guitar shrieks and I can't cope
I see the empty foolish stares of dopes.

^^Apostrophe was missing in the word AINT. Very powerful lines to start. The imagery was brilliant. Especially the last two lines, they were indicating deeper and stronger stanzas ahead.

People stoning me to death
As I try to live unbred and free.
But I won't just lay in my bed
My soul will die for its decree.

^^I think it should be inbred and not unbred. The period after free was supposed to be a comma for the next line was started with BUT. These lines were presenting aggressive emotions which I liked. These lines also characterized what kind of person are you.

The zombies gather all around
To eat my brain thats finally found.
But they have no idea now
Nothing will take me down.

^^The apostrophe was missing again in the word THAT’S. These lines were even powerful than the first two stanzas. The image of walking zombies that is after your brain was so dark. GOSH.

I look forward at my goal
I see her shine in the horizon.
The immigrant workers shoving coal
Also have dreams and souls and sons.

^^ These lines totally change the atmosphere brought by the third stanza. This was rather inspirational and subtle. Her and the sun, what a brilliant comparison. Immigrant workers represented the strength and power of the people.

And I miss my soul's companion
She went to climb the mountains.
When she returns through the canyon
I'll be raining like a fountain.

^^LOL. A very humorous interruption of what you truly feel, although I adored these lines, somehow cute and funny.

She says goodbye, my love
So suddenly.
I had more things to say
But i go Northerly.

^^These lines I think were unfinished. These were not as great as the other stanzas, probably because they are the only lines that didn’t rhyme.

I try to find her as I get stoned
And the angry village roars in moans.
A nasty smell is coming from their bones
My mission will not be postponed.

^^LOL. I dunno why I couldnt stop smiling on this one. Like a smile slowly spreading all over my face, probably because I am imagining you being stoned.lol.

And the sun is curious to meet the moon.
And the night meets the day briefly
But its enough to make their love swoon
To the depths of the universe, chiefly
Just wanting to blow up the balloon.

^^
Hmm. I dunno im kinda puzzled with these lines. Im not really sure of what they were trying to emphasized.

The burning souls line up in rows
And march to the beach in white robes.
I stayed behind because I'm lost
To find her I'll look all over the globe.

^^The last line was sweet and cute.

Words can't express the feelings
Spinning in my soul like black holes
And the passion fills the abyss
The flower rolls just to meet their goals.

^^The first three lines were powerful only the flower and their goals that made me confused, as they have no meaning in particular.

And the black holes have no goals
Only my soul can take control.
The wind spins in circles to the poles
And the thoughts all freeze and cease to stroll.

^^ These lines were just a continuation of the previous stanza expanding its significance.

I miss her like the sunflower's smells
And her hair is flowing through the air.
My hand moves forward to caress
My lovely Leilah, I see you everywhere
And I miss you here and there.

^^Ouch, these lines touched my heart. A very sincere confession of longing for someone. Written wonderfully with genuine words and emotions.

When you return I'll come to life again
And we can join the souls that march.
Forward-bound to the beach like trains
To where our smiles look radiant in the marsh
And to our minds nobody is ever harsh.

^^A very sweet way of ending this piece. After all the whirlwind emotions within the poem, im glad you ended it this way. It showed how patience you are when it comes to love and loving someone.

Overall, it was excellent, a bit long for a poem but its worth reading. Good Job.

I don't think I can add a lot more to the first comment, a very powerfull and constantly changing poem.

A whirlwind of emotions go through you when you read it, your smile has not yet faded when the anger bursts in, and the anger hasn't cooled off when you touch us all with loving words.

You leave the reader confused till the last stanza's, which I truly love.

A very long read for a poem indeed, however it was never boring.

You got what it takes to be a great writer, and to my opinion, you already are one with exeptionnal skills

Thanks to the both of you.