(This is not about Michaela, I just happen to miss her dearly when I am not able to be with her. She keeps the depression away, and a smile on my lips. But when she is gone...)
I miss Michaela when she isn't here for me, I loathe being alone, and the clouds encroach above me once again, to remind me that rain and tears do not taste the same.
Walking through what used to be a field of luscious green, tall, dancing grass.. I ask myself what had stopped time. I wonder what made the grass stop dancing, what turned the grass into flames and ash?
I see a smile, and it is a happy smile. But in front of the smile, stands myself. The smile doesn't comfort me, instead it reminds me just how blurry things become in my mind's eye after only a few years. A smile that I miss is all that I need to beg for sleep.
I don't want to sleep, for when I do, I find myself in a utopia. I can almost feel the softness of her hands, I can almost taste the sweetness of her lip gloss, and I always stay asleep almost long enough... Utopian places do not exist, and that is what I am forced to realize every time I awaken.
A grin from the Angel of Death, and a beckoning gesture. A glint catches my eye from a blade that is within reach.. but before I reach for the relief, I remind myself that I can't put upon others the very same thing that still causes me to choke out tears.
