I struggled all day to keep the thoughts from flooding my head, like trying to stop the rain on a stormy day. No matter how hard I tried to push them back, they came back at me sharper and clearer than before, ready to push through and injure me again. Gradually I give in, unable to keep my strength against it up. My desire to have what we once had tugs on my heart, squeezing, stopping the beat. All at once the memories conquer my being, and the flashes of my (or was it our past) strike me hard, knocking me lifeless.
One hand on my midriff and the other on my neck, his hands search my body like a bird looking for a new area to soar; Hands so silky and warm against my bare skin. His lips are magical and passionate, letting me know it will all be okay, move from my lips to my neck, so soft and tender. Our eyes fixed on each other, roaming about in our souls, searching for something but not knowing exactly what but just knowing. Everything feeling so right, we give in to our temptations. I unhurriedly pull off his shirt, admiring God�s work of art. Kissing and nibbling at his chest he grows weak and impatient. Trying not show his anger in my time taking he is extra fragile, precise, and perfectly flawless. Slipping me out my shorts, he tickles the underside of my thigh, making me go wild. Putting his hands beneath my shirt he takes off his�.
No! No! No! Get out of my head! My eyes swelling up with burning pools of tears� I hate you� You left me lonely and scared! What was once real will never be again. Why can�t I accept that? I loved� LOVE him, so what? Did he really love me too? At one time my heart told me so; my heart told me we were meant to be and it coldly deceived me. Why is it so hard to just let go? I know I will never be able to feel his warmth again, loose myself in his eyes, or run my fingers through his silky hair. There is my golden question, �Why?�, but and answer I�ll never find.
I�ve put away all the pictures, locking them away, from all physical and mental being. I put them away as if they were a plague, purposely trying to harm me, making me hurt so bad for so long. Although, erasing the pictures and scenes from my mind is not as easy as I thought it would be. Hints the saying �Easier said, than done�.
I lay my head down on my pillow fantasizing, regretting the day I put him into the bitter base below my feet. Remembering the stingingly cold touch of his lifeless body to my fingertips, I start to shake, feeling cold all over, as if we had suddenly switched places.
