On the outside looking in
that bitter look of guilt and sin
seeing truth, but speaking lies
it's not worth it, he never tries
I'm not worth his time nor care
Add a comma between time & nor , and add his between nor and care .
try to tell him, I'd never dare
Change the comma to a question mark .
he see's me with other guys
gives me that look of harsh despise
it's not what it looks like
he calls another strike
Take out this stanza .. It throws off the whole poem . You can write something better .
won't believe the truth I tell
he is under guilts sweet spell
Good idea .. Maybe rewrite the second line .
he thinks they're just excuses
for the things that he accuses
Love this .
he says it doesn't matter
for the teardrops he wont shatter
Um , He says it doesn't matter what is said ,
For the tears he will never said .
Diffrent way of saying it , but see how the rhymes don't seem forced ?
and yet I sit here all alone
all my problems; vastly grown
now he's the one who tells the lies
you can see it in his eyes