Fixed,
repaired,
happy,
I really truly am.
As I say this
I try and try to convince myself.
I feel happy
I smile more often
I can actually breathe now.
There's not a bullet
through my heart
not a razor to my wrist.
But no matter how much
I know I don't need it,
I still want it.
I want the blood
the pain
the sudden fear of cutting too deep.
People say once you get in you cant get out,
and those people
are pretty close to right.
I'm tied down and I've reached the edge
but I cant get away from it.
I have him
the perfect guy
he makes me happy
I want to be better
for him.
I'm not better,
I'm worse,
the need to cut
makes me worse..
I'm so broken inside
but its not from him..
its from, myself..
I want to bleed for no reason
I want the pain to hear myself scream..
but its never enough
I can't start again
I promised..
One promise I can't break,
not again...
I don't want to die even
any more,
I just want... blood,
and pain...
no matter how many "accidents" I have.. it's never good enough
never enough blood
nothing like the perfect open slits
in the wrist
I may be sick in the head
I may be insane...
for that...
