Hullo Michael well written my good man, a difficult form that you did an excellent job with, also it was downright freaky. Well done.
Watch your third to last line i think you meant "their" instead of there

Grant

Ooh, I like this form. I think you did extremely well with it. I like how the lines seem smooth and now choppy. 5/5

Ooh. I must say, I'm crazy about this style, though I could never succeed if I tried to do it, as I suck with syllables and whatnot. Anyway..

"Hear there sardonic cries" -- If I'm understanding this correctly, this should be "hear their..", OR "here, there,.." -- I'm unsure of what, exactly, you're meaning to say.

"Into there" -- "there" should be "their", I believe. :]

I think the number of syllables are all correct, so great job on that. Your word choice was amazing, and I thought the peice flowed really well.

Five out of five. [5/5]

``Briana