She saved my life (double nonet)

by cassanova   Sep 10, 2008


Feel lifeless with the lack of true love,
sit just pray to the lord above,
look for purpose here on earth,
then came my daughters birth,
my eyes then opened,
i saw the light,
finalized,
the fight,
life,
starts,
for me,
here right now,
leaving me wowed,
her life began mine,
and for her i will shine,
peanut saved my life for sure,
everything now belongs to her,
thus making my daughter's life so pure,

first time doing this style, please comment especially if i did it wrong :p

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by SimplyEclipse

    This is great, the whole nonet thing works well for the topic, Ur super talented & the ylabble count is right, this is really nice goood job =]

  • 16 years ago

    by Nicole

    Great poem =) ur an amazing writer... u have true talent... and ur daughter is very lucky to have a father like u... one day she'll find out.

  • 16 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Cas'

    ^
    Wow!!! This is really clever and it looks cool too! ..oh, and what a lovley topic too, she will love to see this when she's older. Give it a few years and you'll be writing childrens poetry..I know I have! :)

    I'm not sure, but If I was doing one I would have not used two 1 x syllabel lines, just the one. Nine to one to nine.

    Well done

    Michael

  • 16 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Paul,

    You asked me to critique this and so I will to the best of my knowledge:)
    If I were you I would do away with the interpunction at the end of the lines and I believe eye's = eyes.
    Apart form that, there is nothing wrong with it, the syllable count is correct as far as I can see and the message is one I agree with 100 % : children alter your look on life completely and after they enter your life you find out what love really is:)
    Really nice work, mr. Shannahan!

    Hugs,

    Ingrid 5/5

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