This was an excellent poem, but I would suggest that you group the lines into stanzas...it would make it an easier read the next time around! 5/5.

Hmm good starting actually, the flow was good but only the punctauation,, well i think u need to use comma's thats why we know how to read it, coz its continuesly that was only the problem but overl all its nice to read i can feel the emotions i give it 4/8