She Was Too Clever

I liked the beginning a lot. The first and second stanzas hooked me in for the rest of the poem. The ending, however, was weak, in my opinion. I was a little disappointed in it. I was expecting it to ba as stellar as the beginning had been, and it wasn't. 4/5

Sorry this is late :(

I can't remember when I have read a poem as sad as this one.

Where did she go, why'd she have to leave?
I'm not really sure, but I know I can't breathe.
I fell to the floor, and I'm fading away.
Try to tell myself tomorrow is a new day.
^ Wow, starting with a huge question in the opening line. Why did she leave? I wonder this now. What I do know is that this person must have meant a heck of a lot to you to cause you such grief, grief enough to prevent you from breathing..I know this is a description that is similar to the intensity of such loss.

Why'd she break my heart, and lie to me forever?
I guess I was too blind, and she was too clever.
The phone keeps ringing, but I know it's not her.
In my mind, though, I keep wishing it were.
^
Another bombshell! Deceit from a person who could cause you maximum damage too. Why, indeed? Despite the facts, forgiveness is very much still possible...now that is what love can do, making the unforgiveable forgiveable! In this verse the desperation speaks volumns, it makes the reader (me) want that phonecall to be her! Please let it be her and more importantly, let it be her apologising!

That's not possible, she's gone away for good.
To bring her back, I'd do whatever I could.
She's dead now, because of her own shaky hands.
They weren't proud, she couldn't meet their demands.
^
Oh well, desperate hope is wiped away in the first line, she's gone away. This sounds like she's moved far away, possible another country?
Shaky hands, too proud for their demands? Metaphors, perhaps..drugs or something as addictive and so demanding?

But now they feel bad, and all they do is cry.
They ask themselves, why their daughter had to die.
She didn't let them see, she couldn't break down.
Doesn't matter now, because now she can't frown.
^
Parents, demanding one not allowing their daughter to live her life, causing her unhappiness, frustration and dispare. Eventually and despite the warnings their daughter was driven away for good.

I found this a very enjoyable write and one that left more questions than I fear i ever answered.

Well done (No down-voting from me!)

Michael

Written beautifully.
Im sorry waht you've been through and I admire how you express it
kitty

My first favorited poem. a very powerful theme. very well done

The theme is powerfully thought provoking and easily understood

This is well written eloquently expressing the worst possible dark ending