This is definately a powerful piece of poetry full of emotion. I to believe that people wait until it's to late to actually attempt to love somebody or do good with the oppertunities they have. The poem flowed very well and had a very strong ending, excellent job 5/5 GG23

*tear sniff sniff* that i think would be the sadest poem I have ever read but still kept me on the edge of my chair while rading. Very well done!

Emotional..sad too. I liked it but
there were a few mistakes. First
my biggest problem was the forced
rhyming I would noticing. And the
poem flow was rocky a little bit.
But keep it up.
<3tay
5/5

There's really nothing to imrpove in my opinion. Every poem that you write has a good flow and rhyme that it just pulls the poem together and makes it sound fabulous. This was a really sad write, but definatly emotions and feelings were portrayed very clearly. Well done!! 5/5. (:

This is a very good potery I love it I agree with branna you're the clever one

One word. WOW. Ok now more lol. But that's what I really thought when I first read this. It flows beautifully and I was swept up in the emotion. I could actually relate all the way up until the last stanza about the daughter but it still touched about people I've lost in my life as well and could relate to the pain in the poem.

Hmm very clever job! the flow was nice evern the thougts are awesome! its kinda perfect words and great piece of poet. the emtotions was very touching i can relate it thought 5/5 keep it up!

The theme is powerfully thought provoking and easily understood

This is well written eloquently expressing the worst possible dark ending

My first favorited poem. a very powerful theme. very well done

Written beautifully.
Im sorry waht you've been through and I admire how you express it
kitty

Sorry this is late :(

I can't remember when I have read a poem as sad as this one.

Where did she go, why'd she have to leave?
I'm not really sure, but I know I can't breathe.
I fell to the floor, and I'm fading away.
Try to tell myself tomorrow is a new day.
^ Wow, starting with a huge question in the opening line. Why did she leave? I wonder this now. What I do know is that this person must have meant a heck of a lot to you to cause you such grief, grief enough to prevent you from breathing..I know this is a description that is similar to the intensity of such loss.

Why'd she break my heart, and lie to me forever?
I guess I was too blind, and she was too clever.
The phone keeps ringing, but I know it's not her.
In my mind, though, I keep wishing it were.
^
Another bombshell! Deceit from a person who could cause you maximum damage too. Why, indeed? Despite the facts, forgiveness is very much still possible...now that is what love can do, making the unforgiveable forgiveable! In this verse the desperation speaks volumns, it makes the reader (me) want that phonecall to be her! Please let it be her and more importantly, let it be her apologising!

That's not possible, she's gone away for good.
To bring her back, I'd do whatever I could.
She's dead now, because of her own shaky hands.
They weren't proud, she couldn't meet their demands.
^
Oh well, desperate hope is wiped away in the first line, she's gone away. This sounds like she's moved far away, possible another country?
Shaky hands, too proud for their demands? Metaphors, perhaps..drugs or something as addictive and so demanding?

But now they feel bad, and all they do is cry.
They ask themselves, why their daughter had to die.
She didn't let them see, she couldn't break down.
Doesn't matter now, because now she can't frown.
^
Parents, demanding one not allowing their daughter to live her life, causing her unhappiness, frustration and dispare. Eventually and despite the warnings their daughter was driven away for good.

I found this a very enjoyable write and one that left more questions than I fear i ever answered.

Well done (No down-voting from me!)

Michael

I liked the beginning a lot. The first and second stanzas hooked me in for the rest of the poem. The ending, however, was weak, in my opinion. I was a little disappointed in it. I was expecting it to ba as stellar as the beginning had been, and it wasn't. 4/5