Great emotive write, reminds me of my life, xP well done

I didn't see the ending lol. Anyway it was a nice way to end a poem. Unpredictable = Good.

(Checks) the time of the grandfather clock
= Checking *adding 'ing' improves the flow. (In my opinion)

I think Mark is right about the "Checking" part, that kinda threw me off at first. But ither than that this was a very well done poem. It was almost like a story and I enjoyed reading it. Keep it up dear. Nik

I really enjoyed the beginning as it had a nice structured rhyme scheme and a really easy flow. I got lost in the middle when the rhythm changed and it threw me off. I had to re-read it in order to pick back up on the story. But I did, and I love the story. Nice job, a bit choppy in some spots but good ideas.