My Suicide

I taste the blood,
I smell the fear,
I know my life
is ending here.
*
I hear the sound
of panicked thoughts,
and pray to God
I won't get stopped.
*
I do not know,
I cannot tell
what it's like
without this Hell.
*
But if this works,
I'll end it all.
They'll find my head
against the wall.
*
My body cold,
my eyes both closed.
I couldn't find
what meant the most,
*
so now I lie
without a clue
of how my death is
hurting you.
*
You never said
you loved me so.
You never said-
I'll never know.
*
And now you cry
above my grave.
You didn't know. . .
you couldn't save.
*
Your heart aches
for what you've lost.
Who could know
the major cost?
*
My spirit dwells
in darkened space.
This Hell is worse
than I can take.
*
I killed myself
and killed your soul.
Maybe I
deserve this hole.
*
My body rots
beneath the ground.
My panic stops.
I hear no sound.