Comments : Almost Dead

  • 16 years ago

    by InvisiblyHeartless

    Wow, you feel so strongly through this. it made me want to cry, and smile. It was beautiful but a depressed empty beauty. i understand what you were giong through. I hope you sew your heart together. :D
    Amazing art of words here

  • 16 years ago

    by Kayla

    Breaking up should be easy
    This pain should go away
    I'm disappointed in the person
    You had the audacity to portray

    [ A perfect way to open up your poem. It was touching. Yes, breaking up should be easy, but it's honestly not. Not when you love someone so much. Like you do with your ex. I think every girl that has had her heart broken by a stupid boy before would agree with what you wrote in this stanza. ]

    I gave myself to you
    My mind, my body, my soul
    I thought the feeling was mutual
    But you just played a role

    [ Anyone who is so in love with another would be able to relate to this stanza. There's just no way around it. Things like this happen every day. It's difficult to watch. ]

    You pretended I was something
    Kissed my lips as a distraction
    Are you happy with what you got?
    Were you satisfied with my reaction?

    [ Whenever me and Tyler broke up, I asked myself these same questions. I knew that if anyone knew what a true heartbreak felt, the way I did and still do, it would be you. This stanza even proves it. You truly know how to portrey your feelings into your poems. ]

    I loved you with all I had
    In my heart, I still do
    I just need to know the meaning
    Of the things you put me through

    [ This is something we also ask ourselves once we're broken up with someone we truly love. I hope you find the answers you seek, sweetie. You truly deserve someone who'll make you so happy. ]

    I cried so many tears
    And prayed so many nights
    To see if He could fix the things
    I could never make right

    [ Back when I believed in God, I used to do the same things you described here. It's so relatable to myself. Every single word you typed out here. I think my favorite line out of this entire poem would have to be the last line of this one. I don't know why. It was just very beautiful to me. ]

    You let me go on a Friday night
    While we were talking on the phone
    You said you didn't feel the same
    So I guess you're on your own

    [ Wow! Omg, I had an ex-boyfriend say that to me as well.. and on a Friday night. That's so strange. I'm sorry sweetie. That must have been an awful night for you. Remember what I said, though. Things will get better. I promise. ]

    I wasn't going to fight you
    I wasn't going to beg and plead
    Yes it hurts that you're gone
    But you're love isn't what I need

    [ Oh? The poem seems to have turned around with this stanza. Every thing seems lost, hopeless.. but as I read it, I felt as though there was a little ray of sunshine still shining. A spark of hope. It made me happy seeing that. You're right. You don't need his love. Whether you believe it or not, you're a strong girl. I know you'll be just fine. Just give it time. <3 ]

    You aren't in my life anymore
    Which means God has a plan
    He must be sending me a better boy
    One who's not afraid to hold my hand

    [ I think this would have to be my over-all most favorite stanza out of this entire piece. I totally agree with this... 120%! I believe the same for myself. Except I just think I haven't found my soulmate. But I will. Someday. The guy I was truly meant to be with. I feel the same goes for you. This stanza just melted my heart. I love it when you write about something happy. It's so nice to see. ]

    So goodbye my darling, my lover, my boo
    Before you leave please hand me some thread
    I want to fix this heart of mine
    It's barely beating. Almost dead.

    [ A great way to wrap up such a wonderous poem! The last two lines especially blew me away. It was genius. You must have worked hard on this. I enjoyed it so much. ]

    Great job, dear! Every thing came together so perfectly. The flow wasn't off, either. Smooth as a baby's bottom =) But anyways. I thought you had excellent rhyming. It wasn't forced at all. It seemed so natural. I loved it so much. Keep writing. You were meant to do it. I love you <333 5/5

    ~Kayla~

  • 16 years ago

    by MorbidCupcake

    You made a negative thing completely positive and i LOVE it!

    Good job keep on writing!

  • 16 years ago

    by JustKristina

    Wow hunny. This was an amazingly written piece. I loved the flow of it ((one suggestion.. on the "i could neve make right" maybe switch the wording around.. to "I never could make right" i think it flows better))

    Wow...i'm speechless. This blew me away. You did such a wonderful job with this. I love the ending.. it just throws it at you and stops you right in your tracks. dang girl! lol.. great work by a wonderful person... i love you babe. and...God does have a plan for you. Something great. Someone better. True love waits.

  • 16 years ago

    by Dan

    Amazing. Plain and simple.

  • 16 years ago

    by Gem

    "So goodbye my darling, my lover, my boo
    Before you leave please hand me some thread
    I want to fix this heart of mine
    It's barely beating. Almost dead."

    Shivers went down my spine as i read the last words of this poem.

    Your flow never once strayed off the mark and the wording choice was perfect.

    "He must be sending me a better boy
    One who's not afraid to hold my hand"

    The last line of this stanza faltered a tiny bit, maybe i was reading it wrong, it just seemed that there was one too many words in the last line to keep beat going. I could be wrong, it's been a long time since i've been on this site

    But overall, a well deserved 5/5
    Gem

  • 15 years ago

    by Rolo

    Reminiscent of my past and the relationship left with it. I can relate to your words and your style. I think the flow was great, which is one of the main appeal factors of this write. I was able to find meaning and the emotions which you portrayed. Very nice :]
    5/5.

    -Rolo

  • 15 years ago

    by ForeverASickKid

    OMGG i love it!! so amazing!!!

  • 15 years ago

    by Good Enough

    Breakups hurt but i like how u made yourself sound angry at him tho u still love him. good job 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Fear2love

    This poem is so perfect you write soooooo good :)