Comments : God doesn't make mistakes

  • 16 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Tabi,

    I like this person you are descibing in your poem. It sounds like a really good person to me and I am glad you have someone like that in your life! Good friends are hard to come by!

    Hugs,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 16 years ago

    by Natures Calling

    That was an awesome poem! i loved every piece of it. i love the part:
    "Remember That God Doesn't Make Mistakes"
    thats so powerful. I wouldn't change anything about it. keep up the awesome work

    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by AngelicDecadence

    Hmmm.... :/ I believe this may become a lot longer then I wish it to be. (NOT that this is bad)
    Oh well.

    Uhh.. the first stanza was insanely confusing for me, i had to read it about 4 times... I still don't understand the first line. Let me try and see if i can pick this apart...
    "I bet you don't see what
    I thank God is there.
    So brutal and harsh on yourself.
    To judge another, you wouldn't dare."
    Umm.. is this how you meant to write it? I can't seem to come up with another way it would make sense...
    "I bet you can't see that
    I thank God is here.
    So brutal and harsh on yourself.
    To judge another, you wouldn't dare."
    That's about all that I can make sense of. :/ Ahh... I'm so confused, i get the last two lines, but the first two just lost me.

    "With all the shit people
    have done to you,
    you still find a reason to
    get up and fight through."
    Now, I know what you're going to say here, there is only ONE word, and it's not even bad.. but some people consider "Shit" a cuss word, now, if you have a cuss word in your poetry, it's supposed to go into the "explicit" section. I recommend if you don't want to do that, to change the word to "crud" or "crap" or "stuff". Even though it may not be as descriptive with the emotion, it gets the point across.

    "You are strong in a way most
    people can't even comprehend.
    You never let anyone use you,
    and you never stick to the "trend."
    I recommend in the second line changing "can't" to "cannot" it sounds better. I'm not quite sure you need the quotes around trend either, it puts emphasize on the word.. but by that being the last word in the stanza, the emphasize is already there, you don't necessarily have to add more.

    "God has made you so rare and unique
    in the way he choose to make you behave.
    I beg God that he would let others notice that
    the qualities you posses, they should crave."
    The second line, "choose" should be either "chose" or "chooses" i recommend "chose".
    "posses" should be "possess"

    I can see through the superficial junk,
    &honestly say you are exquisite and sincere.
    To my heart, you will forever by dear.
    &I will always be there to wipe away your tears.
    I'd advise you to change the "&'s" to "and", often, even if you are trying to make the lines shorter.. it does more harm then good, and kind of cheapens the poem in my opinion.

    The second to last stanza in my opinion was flawless.

    "When it begins to enter your mind that
    you aren't the way you think you should be,
    I want you to remember God doesn't make mistakes
    &that in my life, you are key and what set me free."
    The last line in this is all I would change, again, the "&" and also, "you are key and what set me free." If i were you i'd change it to "you are the key that set me free" :]

    Great job.
    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by abullettotheheart

    Beautiful, Amazing, You are so very talented :)