Comments : I'm Done

  • 16 years ago

    by Grant Gilbert AKA Slash

    Well it sure sounds like you know what you want so i guess you should go out and take it. Well written

    Grant

  • 16 years ago

    by Jessica

    Very relatable, i like it. :]

  • 16 years ago

    by khobo

    Pretty good. It's something a lot of girls can relate to and understand reading this. The rhythm wasn't very strong for me, but nevertheless, it was good. Only thing is, in the fifth stanza "of if it's just for fun" did you mean 'or' rather than 'of'?

    Well done

  • 16 years ago

    by LockedInEternity

    Nice moral :)
    i was a little confused by this line
    "Why am I considered do different?"
    do different? .. did you mean so?
    cause i think that would make more sense there.

    again ..as you chose free verse.. embrace it.. leave us hanging on the edge of every line waiting for what unexpected thing you have to say next rather than using rather cliche words that may not be avoided with a rhyming stanza but could potentially be avoided here.

    like this stanza for example :

    "Why am I considered do different?
    I don't judge what you do
    Just because I'm not rebellious with you?
    just because I don't do the things you do?"

    the words "do" and "you" are just jumping all over it... i mean i understand "you" there isnt much way to avoid using that.. but "do" could be replaced..
    also the words "with you" in the 3rd line could be taken out .. because it seems like they just mess with the flow. but then again this is your poem and your welcome to write it as you wish.

    i hope you dont think im being too harsh, cause i totally dont mean it that way.. just some constructive criticism.
    take care x)

  • 16 years ago

    by A F

    This poem is full of optimism-- I like that.
    Nice job sweety <3

    xxx.