A state of constant struggle

Im in a state of constant struggle.
Fighting my emotional weakness and trying to keep my head above it all.
I know what I should be doing, to progress in life but I can't right now, stuck in a position that I nolonger have control of.
My fears are present but not in play, the controlling factor as far as I know is my lack of enthusiasim for life, I have a disdained look of the world.
Tainted by proir experiences and the current situation, my selfworth is taking a beating from which I worry it may not fully recover. However I have this stupid ability not to be able to perform unless totally at wits end.
So hear I sit waiting for either the oportunity to present itself or for this world to collapse and then dare to be stronger.
But in the cocoon I have envoloped my self in there is some comfort and some safety. Just hoping sometimes isn't enough.