Two burning planes fall from a fiery sky.
^^ ok i would change the "fiery sky" to maybe an "aggressive sky" cause the fiery goes to much with the burning planes....other than that sad opening : /

Does anybody see them? No, not throughout
the chaos, and smoke. They fall into the
Pacific, and linger a moment on the surface
before beginning their slow decent to the
murky depths.<<great imagery i feel sorta bad saying that though! cause it is such a sad picture : /

A sparing light from above
spares two lives, as the pilots climb out of
the diminished cockpits. << the words "spare" was used to much here maybe think of another word!

They break the
surface gasping for air. What now? Nothing
to do but wait. Wait for rescue, wait for
death. No, that would be too much of a
luxury. War is hell, with the soldiers living
in it.<<sad to think about...

Ok one suggestion, break it into stanza's! it will look more professional and official!
You did a great job with the wording and flow i think it was sad though : / i mean i know people who are in the army and some that have died and i think this would tug at a lot of people hearts strings 5/5
((i do not understand how someone gave you a 3 than wouldn't even tell you why?! ignore it! ))