Walk this tightrope through this world of lies
^^ "tightrope" should be two words!! i liked the opening line though this world is devious and cruel

The ones they try so desperately hard to hide
^^maybe change this to " the one that try" it flows better!

I look at you with sorrow eyes
Knowing exactly what I long to tell you
But can't, though I've tried
^^ hmm..i can't help but wonder why you can tell em? ((the reader having questions is a good thing i think it keeps me involved with the poem))

When you pass by, I hang my head
And try to forget
Every word you ever said
^ahh..everyone has someone that can do this to them : /

What would I ever do
If I never tell you these thoughts of mine?
I'll never forget loving you for the rest of my life.
^^good ending : )

I liked this poem all in all a couple mistakes but those are so minor honestly! I hope it gets easier for you as you know more people and date around some more i am sure that the feelings will never totally fade but maybe become a happy memory instead of one to cringe at ! 5/5

That was really sweet and well written, 5/5.

-mandy :)

Overall, this wasnt a bad write. I think that you could have done a little better with the flow and format; it was sort of all over the place. But the emotion was displayed perfectly. So, I gave this a 4/5.
Keep writing :)