So, sad, to hear no heartbeat
I wait, laying on my back, as the nurse desperately looks for his heartbeat
This is a mistake
She just can't hear it, she's deaf, I thought
Yeah, see, I can feel him move.
She steps outside and I look around
It's gonna be ok
After many attempts from different nurses, they send me to get an ultrasound
I don't think about it
Maybe this is it, maybe it's time to give birth
Maybe the ultrasound is gonna tell us it's time for birth
I see him, his spine, head down
To me, he was ready to face the world
And I was ready to finally see him
The nurse grinned as she told me I can go back and the doctor will see me soon,
So I go back in,
I wait, and the nurse came in and asked if there's anyone who can be here, my boyfriend, my mom, my friend, anyone.
I said, yeah, I think so.
I call my boyfriend, told him something's going on
And he came rushing, hoping it's time to finally meet our son.
I was waiting, and my boyfriend, came in and waited with me.
The doctor comes in
All I remember is him saying, The baby is dead...
Up to this day, those words haunt me
How can I be carrying my dead son in me?
When? and how?
No one mattered to me, nothing at all.
Just that precious moment when I delivered him dead
I held him in my arms
Nothing else mattered
I didn't care about anyone
I just wanted to be alone with my son
I stared at his closed eyes, his purple lips, and his little tongue kinda sticking out
The most bitter-sweet moment of my life
Up to this day I still wonder what color eyes he had
But I thank God my son is with Him
Not in this insane world
And I will have someone precious to hold
When I die.
