Alone

by StarGirl   Sep 30, 2008


One I wrote when I was visiting my dad's family (was very very sad)

Alone
Alone in the dark.
Alone with my thoughts for me to hear.
ALone in my heart is a vast emptyness
that needs to be filled.

The whole, began small and was easy to patch.
But patches become worn and they peal.

I know I should be happy.
But I know that I am not.
I have the love of my family.
My sisters, my friends.

Yet something is missing.
For what it is, I don't know yet.
Alone, as I rock, back and forth.
Biting my nails, listening to the silence.

Alone.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Sourav

    I think this would be better if you use it as a lyric. I liked the style of your writing. Keep writing.

  • 16 years ago

    by Blissful

    This was easy to relate with but I didn't like the repitition and it was too simple in my opinion. Although the emotions were dark and deep, you could have expressed yourself a little better with expanded vocabulary and imagery to make it more original.

    "ALone in my heart is a vast emptyness"
    ^This line doesn't really make sense.

    "But patches become worn and they peal."
    ^"Peel" not "peal"

    You used the word "know" too much here making the poem lose meaning and have a rocky flow. The emotions were strong but this could be much better.

    *4/5*

  • 16 years ago

    by charles

    Very good! I can relate very much to this one. Continued sucess.

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