The feeling and depth of it is wonderful... it flows in an intersting way... yet if you don't divide it in stanzas, it will look like prose and not poetry...

another thing:

* i love it when you laugh - does not have an "s" in the end in this context

* "you are" or "you're" looks better than "ur"
i have nothing against slang but it distracts a reader from the content's depth...

=)

*keep on*

isabel

I mean no disrespect here, and you did ask for opinions. You need to rewrite this. Seriously. The intent behind it is noble and romantic, and for that it deserves to be better written. I know it's tempting to write in slang, but for me personally poetry is about expressing yourself in a manner that will grip an audience. This just doesn't. But it could.

Have another go. The potential is there.

Wow and your a guy. not alot of guys write poems. I think they should good job. I loved it. Merry x-mas
sarah