Making my screams refrain

His hand slid up my nightgown and i felt a sharp pain.
But his kisses and i love yous made my screams refrain.
He told me to be quite it would all be OK.
He said it would be over soon.
It was just a fun game.
Night came and i was scared.
Scared of his cold touch and moist breath.
He would undress me and tell me i was beautiful.
But when he was done i felt unusable.
He stole from me what i would not give.
Now this memory is something i have to relive.
The way his hands would touch me and how hard he would grasp my body is hard to remember.
And the fire of the hurt won't go out like that of an amber.
My fear of him returning grows greater with each breath.
And the reassurance of it never happening again is hard for me to accept.
I did what i had to to keep my sister safe.
But the pain i put myself through has caused me to wreck.
Every time i feel a mans touch I remember what he did.
And every time me and someone try to get closer i seem to give in.
I give into the pain and the memories of his cold hearted touch.
And the times with my sister, whom i miss so much.
We used to be tight because we had to keep each other safe.
But now it seems as though all we do is fight.
Sometimes i stay up late at night just to watch her sleep.
And in my head "I'm so glad your safe" is all that i can think.
She doesn't understand.
I need her so much.
She is my life.
My only luck.