Comments : Forgotten Ugly Girl

  • 16 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    I have one critique for this piece- you used 'filler-words' -her and she- too many times, and that ruined the natural flow of the poem on some places.

    Other than that, this piece is very emotional, truly touching. Your simplistic, non-metaphorical writing style excellently highlights nuances of deep emotions that you obviously put into your writings.

    "They point at the ugliness of her heart"
    ^^^
    This line confused me a bit. Till this point, I was sure that you are writing about this character's physical appearance, so this twist was really interesting.

    - Her speech disappeared to silence
    She walks among the normal
    With her head permanently vowed-
    ^^^
    Very interesting stanza, my favorite from the poem.

    Overall, good job.

  • 16 years ago

    by ghosts in bloom

    Well done (: Another heart grabbing piece. Short, but packing a ton of raw emotion, and punch. A few things that stood out to me were your use of "resisted abandon." I absolutely love that! Also,

    "Her speech disappeared to silence
    She walks among the normal
    With her head permanently vowed"

    That stanza was my favorite. Excellent.

    (:

  • 16 years ago

    by sezz

    Amazing but im not surprised, very great viusal and heart wrenching emotions, easily puts the reader in this persons shoes