Comments : Addicted

  • 16 years ago

    by Travis

    Holy monkey bree, you sure have a way with words
    this is just amazing
    I love the first stanza
    It makes you really want to read more of it
    and I like that
    good job hun
    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "Lips like velvet that caress my cheek
    as you swallow me in your lies."
    `Woow girl, well done! Such great word choice. :]

    "I'm addicted to everything about you.
    Shameful fact; an intervention won't work"
    `So so so truee.

    Well done, honestly I see no flaws in this. I think the word choice was definatly picked up in this poem and that made the poem that much better. Such a great write, sad yet again.. yet very well written! 5/5.

  • 16 years ago

    by Nicole the Fairy

    Hey! Here goes!

    Stanza 1:
    "This broken heart is bound to survive
    even after it's been shattered before.
    I've fallen victim to your bright eyes
    and let you push me around again."

    > Really like the word choice here, not many fillers, which is a bonus, and also love how you used 'fallen victim to your bright eyes' - captures meaning and gives me a sense of connection. Well done.

    Fav. Line:
    "This broken heart is bound to survive"

    > It drew me in, and also shows a little hope :)

    Stanza 2:
    "It's something about how you talk --
    your voice is like silk to my ears.
    Lips like velvet that caress my cheek
    as you swallow me in your lies."

    > Metaphors are well-used in this stanza, and the use of words again - brilliant. Although it doesn't rhyme, I still love it! :) Also, you haven't used so many fillers, so for that I praise you. :)

    Fav. Line:
    "as you swallow me into your lies."

    > It leaves me with a different feeling than the first stanza, and throws to me two different emotions.. the good and the bad.. which I love! :) Well done! :)

    Stanza 3:
    "As destructive as this is for my heart
    you've tangled me in your web of deceit.
    Therefore, I find myself unable to leave
    tightly wrapped in the harmful arms of you."

    > I can feel that you have started to sum up the poem, eventhough its the 2nd to last stanza.. very sweet.. especially the last line :) Also, good word usage.. not too many fillers.. i loved it :)

    Fav. Line:
    "Tightly wrapped in the harmful arms of you."

    > really good line. Loved every word.. as you show the good and the bad emotion... like love and hate.. fire and ice type. 'harmful' arms. Really well done.

    Stanza 4:
    "You're ecstacy to my mind, body, soul
    I'm addicted to everything about you.
    Shameful fact; an intervention won't work
    I've become dependent on your power over me."

    > Love the 'mind body, soul' description.. brings a bit of originality into the poem. Also, how you bring part of the title in to this stanza, already showing its nearly finished. Love how you have summed it up.. and the word 'dependent' as if you HAVE to have him controlling you, as you've stated -- although in better words lol. :)

    Fav. Line:
    "I've become dependent on your power over me."

    > a good way to end the poem and stanza. my favourite line, because its just like fire and ice, good and bad.. like the two emotions ive felt earlier. well done! :)

    Poem Summary:
    Love the poem. Sorry, but, it isn't exactly one of your best ones, don't get me wrong, I do love it, but maybe I needed another stanza to feel it, as in for you to finish it off?

    Well done! Like I said, I think you have better ones, but it's just my opinion :)

    Well done! Keep it up!

    5 / 5 :)

    Nicole

    xx

  • 16 years ago

    by dora

    Wow your poem was great. very deep and powerful filled with lots of emotion. great choice of words also, 5/5 well done.