The brother i should have had

Across a field I watched,
As a little boy ran for home base,
He made me smile,
Until I saw his face,
I recognized him instantly,
And though we never met,
I was suddenly overwhelmed with the deepest regret.
I saw this little boy was caught,
Trapped in his everlasting games,
When he looked at me,
He also saw my pain,
For a moment he stood looking across the field,
Then he approached me,
And it felt so unreal,
He softly spoke the words,
"I recognized you too"
As tears started to fill my eyes,
The little boy took my hand and bagged,
"Big sister please don't cry"
Through tears I laughed at what he said,
"You know you'd be my big brother if you weren't dead"
My little ghost brother looked slightly confused,
"But big sister our parents only wanted two!"
I fell down crying understanding what he said,
I was only born third since he already lay in his eternal bed,
"Really, its ok big sister please don't cry,
Mommy and daddy still pray for me every night"
But on I wept, harder than before,
"Please stop big sister you shouldn't regret,
I know you're crying because you think it's unfair,
But mommy always prayed for a girl with her hair,
And daddy loves you so very much!"
Then I stopped crying I felt so touched,
I hugged my little ghost brother and kissed his cheek,
"One day little brother, we'll all be together,
Our parents, our brother and you and me."

This poem is dedicated to my parents first born son, the big brother I should have had, T.J.E. 10-25-1985 to 12-25-1985