Comments : I'm So Miserable.

  • 16 years ago

    by BREEawNUHH

    "Nothings seems to untangle, everything bundles together.
    This continuous cycle leaves me confused every single time."

    ~ I believe there is an unnecessary "s" at the end of "nothing".

    "Everyone telling me in my ears to move on and not care,
    but they don't realize how much I love him, I refuse to let go."

    ~ "Everyone" should be "Everyone's" so to say, "Everyone is telling me..", if I am not mistaken.

    "Tears are falling down my cheeks as my makeup smears,
    my head keeps spinning as I feel like I'm about to pass out.
    Heart bleeding, aching, screaming, no longer yearning, black.
    Stomach twists into knots as I think of you once more..."

    ~ I love this stanza. I like how you talk about the makeup smearing, because it's good imagery -- we can imagin what this person looks like snice her makeup seems to be running out of place.

    "I can no longer see what is around me, it's all a huge blur.
    I fall to the ground, as my body can no longer take the pain."

    ~ I enjoyed these lines in the last stanza. It describes perfectly how it feels to lose the one you love -- you feel like you just cannot go on any longer if you don't have them.

    *Overall; a beautiful piece of poetry here. Full of emotion. Your word choice was pretty simple, but it was still absolutely amazing, as usual.

    Five out of five. [5/5]

    ``Briana

  • 16 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Hi,

    My dear friend Samia asked me to sent you some comforting words to go with this poem and so I shall.
    When you are young feelings are very intense and so I can imagine it must seem to you as if you will never recover from this hurt.
    Love is something magical..out of nowhere it can pop up and when you try to grasp it, it is gone.
    When you love a person, you want the love to be returned, that is only natural. The only thing you can do is tell what you feel and if the feeling should not be returned, you have no other option than to let go, however hard that may be.
    I wrote a poem about this subject, you can find it in the threads also, the famous lyrics qoute thing.(I am not asking you to comment or anything:)) Maybe you can find some comfort in those words.

    Take care,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 16 years ago

    by vintage darling

    I really liked this poem.
    it flowed well, and it was relatable.

    my favourite stanza was:
    Where to go from this situation is beyond my control.
    Supposedly I was never meant to be his, yet I still love him.
    Everyone telling me in my ears to move on and not care,
    but they don't realize how much I love him, I refuse to let go.

    maybe if you made the lines shorter it would have worked even better.
    but all in all, it was very well thought out. :)

  • 16 years ago

    by Marc Ortiz

    Hey temps. If this is real... Don't think you're miserable okay? :)

    Anyway...

    Mind so cluttered with thoughts, about to explode.
    Head spinning around and around in circles, repeating.
    Nothings seems to untangle, everything bundles together.
    This continuous cycle leaves me confused every single time.
    = I really like the words you've used in this stanza. It's a very good opener - it has a great impact on the reader.

    Supposedly I was never meant to be his, yet I still love him.
    = I feel a lot of emotions from this line.

    Everyone telling me in my ears to move on and not care,
    but they don't realize how much I love him, I refuse to let go
    = Everyone experience this... personally I hate it if my friends tells me "There are many fishes in the sea blah blah"... In my mind I only think "There are a lot of people out there but I don't love them"

    Tears are falling down my cheeks as my (makeup smears,)
    = excellent, using those 2 words makes it real. Great imagery.

    Heart bleeding, aching, screaming, no longer yearning, black.
    Stomach twists into knots as I think of you once more...
    = my favorite lines.

    I'm so miserable, mentally and physically, I'm numb.
    that I just have no idea where I should go anymore, I'm dizzy.
    I can no longer see what is around me, it's all a huge blur.
    I fall to the ground, as my body can no longer take the pain.
    = Great way to end the poem.

    Good job Temps ;)

  • 16 years ago

    by nikki

    Whoa! im going through all of this now so i can really relate, as i read this i started to cry. this is a great poem! i love it!5/5 im in awe of this poem! its just great!

  • 16 years ago

    by Empathy

    I really like this poem to a certain extent. It shows a different atmosphere that I don't see enough of in your poems. Though I think that you could of have described the poem in a different way to make the "pain" appear more powerful, you still get the message across clear in the end. Where there may have been weak spots you made up for with your wonderful use of imagery. I think imagery really is a strong point for your work, and I'm really glad to see you use it effectively.

    Nice work.

  • 15 years ago

    by SashaMirage

    Wow, you put a lot of emotion into what you wrote. It was very strong and meaningful. The flow of the poem was perfect. You really described how you felt very well. I could really picture the words that you wrote. 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by MizzCici

    I really liked this poem u put ur emotins into it,and also understand how that feels i was in ur shoes once upon a time,its realheard 2 let go wen ur inlove with some1. u did a real great job keep writting....cum thro my page sumtime n leave a commnt!

  • 15 years ago

    by paul alexander

    This one is very well written

    reminds me of myself