The Eyes Rarely Lie

"Reminded I am,
by the constellation of stars.
For on those lonely hours
I collapsed within the wind."

The way you worded it was very unique and saying "collapsed within the win", really increased the imagery here. Beautiful work, I'm already breathless.
Very intriguing opening the gives the reader a sense of what's going on and what you're feeling, good job...

"Invisible
Unseen
Forgotten."

I love how you just write these three words, you don't need anymore, they already say so much in so little, you know?

"Isolated I sat,
more alone than you,
waiting in whispers
for truth."

Great emotions and thoughts about it all.

"Within the shadows
Four eyes came."

I like the simplicity of it, yet its not to a point where its boring. Its very captivating and dramtic when I read it.

"Invisible
Unseen
Forgotten."

Repeating these three words had a great effect when reading it..

"I died."

Nice ending, just saying "I died." was enough because this whole piece was extremely entrancing. Your dark poems are really a joy to read, I don't see many ones like them, so keep it up! 5/5 from me...

First, I love the way you wrote this piece. It's free, and it's really unique. Your word choice is wonderful.

"Reminded I am,
by the constellation of stars.
For on those lonely hours
I collapsed within the wind."

~ This is absolutely stunning, in every way possible. Also, in the first line, I loved how you used the word "reminded" before "I am", because it's different, and rarely have I seen it done that way.

"Invisible
Unseen
Forgotten."

~ Three simple words, but they say so much. It really gives the reader a look into what you're feeling.

"Beneath the particals I
restricted sight. Visions of
destruction plagued Jupiter."

~ I'm.. speechless. I can only tell you that this piece is great so many times, and it is just that -- great. Your word choice is absolutely fabulous.

"Isolated I sat,
more alone than you,
waiting in whispers
for truth."

~ If I am understanding this correctly, it's almost like you're pleading to be heard, or seen by others. It's a sad feeling, when you feel invisible, but you make it seem beautiful.

"Invisible
Unseen
Forgotten.

I died."

~ Ah! I love the repetition. Sometimes, repetition is too much, but not here. As I've said, those simple words hold so much emotion, and the reader can clearly feel them.

Five out of five. [5/5]

``Briana

What a coincidence! I was finishing up a comment for one of your pieces from yesterday night after you commented on mine today! :) Anyways, that was kind of ... futile. xD But you were spot on about the first interpretation... of punishing someone and regretting it and such. I'm glad someone understood. Anyways... (again)

Your pieces seem to be becoming more ... blatantly metaphorical. It's absolutely dazzling the way you work such candor, and yet there's such deep meaning lying beneath your words.

Reminded I am,
by the constellation of stars.
`This translated pretty simple for me. I'm thinking late night talks and watching the stars with a loved one--maybe a friend, or a significant other. I like the way you word it though--it's not generic.

For on those lonely hours
I collapsed within the wind.
`The image or even just the idea of being able to collapse within the wind is absolutely breathtaking. I feel like, you're standing out in the open twilight and there's... a huge windstorm or something of the like, and it's blowing strongly, enough to allow your stance to falter--but instead of blowing you away to Cloud Nine, it merely knocks you down to the-- for some reason I'm imagining--rainy pavement. Gorgeous opening stanza. Simple but effective.

Beneath the particals I
`Did you mean "particles" ?

Beneath the particals I
restricted sight. Visions of
destruction plagued Jupiter.
`Ooh... Jupiter... King of Gods ... (or were you actually talking about the planet? XD) When I imagine this, I see you picturing the "destruction" of a someone--specifically a lover (even more pinpoint is a male) for him doing you wrong.

Isolated I sat,
more alone than you,
waiting in whispers
for truth.
`This is really powerful. You create a heartbreaking ambiance to the piece in the beginning, and then this sounds sort of angered, but at the same time, extremely sad--and it's a stunning effect. When you say "more alone than you," I get this sort of feeling where you're kind of like, "You can't even begin to imagine how this feels." And then that last half of the stanza ... Wow. Whispers to me are when you tell someone secrets--waiting IN the whispers for TRUTH? Amazing wording. It's like you can still hear this person that you lost talking in your head--but it's so quiet, it's like whispers. And you're trying to figure out if it's real or if you're just hallucinating.

OR... You're thinking back to the words they said that gave you warmth and love and such, and you're trying to decipher which of those little whispered conversations were real and which were lies.

Within the shadows
Four eyes came.
`Now I'm lost in the four eyes part. Maybe he's moved on and found someone else? So he emerges with another and it's actually kind of scary... Because I imagine something from horror movies--four eyes coming out of the shadows, you know? It's haunting, and seeing someone you love replace you is just as horrifying.

Invisible
Unseen
Forgotten.
`This is such a beautiful repetition. The first time this shows up, it's pretty basic: got dumped, or wronged and now it's like you're invisible and light enough to be knocked over by the wind. On the other hand, now that person is standing right in front of you, and they're looking you in the face--but either way you're still "invisible, unseen, forgotten." And when you end with "I died." It's utterly moving.

Everything was so simply stated and worded, yet there's so much depth. Maybe I interpreted things wrong, but this was my take on it. Another amazing write. Lovely job.

..__MiNDYY

Title - Really eye catching.. it really was intruging and I loved that! :]

Format/Structure - Really unique, I loved it, it kind of helped the flow actually so well done being original on this one Mel!

"Beneath the particals I"
`Particles. :]

"Isolated I sat,
more alone than you,
waiting in whispers
for truth."
`Such sad lines here, yet the emotion is felt by the reader.. great work my dear.

"Invisible
Unseen
Forgotten."
`Absolutely loved the repetition of this "stanza" Fabulous idea.

Overall, outstanding yet. The reader can feel the sadness spilling from each word. Great work! 5/5. :]

Just for the record -lol- I have read every one of your latest pieces, and I am really sorry that I haven't had enough time to leave detailed comments.

I'll start with two small critiques-
Maybe I'm wrong, but I think that "then" in the fourth stanza should be "than". Also, in that stanza, a comma instead of a full stop in the second line would create better rhythm.

Other than that ^^ this piece is absolutely flawless. You expressed emotions on such creative way. Every stanza holds great, deep meanings. This is different than you usual writes, but it's still mind-blowing.

- Beneath the particals I
restricted sight. Visions of
destruction plagued Jupiter.-
^^^
This is my favorite stanza from the poem, it's so unique and creative.

Every metaphor and description within the poem are excellent. Also, I really like the ending, it's so dark and powerful, it fantastically highlighted the intensity of those feelings.
The repetition was also interesting addition, it added extra effect to the poem.

Keep up!