Thunder. [Acrostic]
by Stephanie Oct 7, 2008
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I'm worried about the flow of this one.. ? Suggestions are very much apprieciated! (: |
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Latest Comments
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16 years ago
by Shinobi
This poem reflects strong feelings of love in one stanza, well, that's the acrostic strucutre...
I liked the words you used, they weren't high, but reflected the exact meaning you wanted it to.
The structure is well built, just a shame the rhymes aren't shown all over the piece. Rhyming usually makes the poem flow better.
Overall, nice poem 5/5 -
16 years ago
by Ignoris
Nice job! As for suggestions for the flow:
Some lines seemed a bit too rushed:
Undertaking all of my simple heartaches; I'm forever yours
and
Destiny has bestowed itself upon all of me and you, and -
Excitement is flowing through my rugged veins so freely,
Maybe adding some commas could relax it a bit, give the reader time to breathe. Also, instead of 'consequences', maybe change it to consequence. Even the slightest change like that can loosen it up a bit.
But nice job, the details and word choice were quite good!
Chin up, Eleni -
16 years ago
by dora
Hey steph, great job on this poem!!! i loved the words u used, i thought u wrote it really well. these were my favourite lines:
"Undertaking all of my simple heartaches; I'm forever yours,
No matter the consequences, I swear I'm always your girl."
good job, 5/5.
