Like The Last Petal On A Rose, I'll Die

by Jenni Marie   Oct 8, 2008


{Wilting...slowly dying..}

Heart that once burned with passion now left torn in fragments
Who'd have ever known that one person could feel so much pain
Possible lies spilling so easily from your now destructive lips
Who'd have known that all my sorrow does for you is entertain

{Once so pretty, full of life...now declining}

Each broken piece of heart slowly crumbling from within
Soul once whole and pure, now engulfed in such shocking flames
Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, debris now all that's left here
How could anguish be caused, why did we play so many games

{Yet another shard falls to pieces...}

Tarnished and agonizing memories seem to be all that's left
Of something that once seemed like it was meant to be, so pure
Emotions run deep, leaving a swirling catastrophic mess behind
Someone tell me, just how much more pain is left to endure?

{Last shattered piece falling slowly to the floor...}

Drowning, suffocating, mutely choking left with silent screams
Everything that was once so perfect now twisted, turned so awry
One person who used to leave me euphoric now causing the tears
Didn't you know that without your love, all that's left to do is die?

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  • 16 years ago

    by Gizmo

    That was an absoultely wonderful title i must say, its eye-catching, and it speaks out to the reader so they want to read your poem.

    you write so beautifully and so delicatedly which is ironic when it comes to how fragile a rose can be.

    i love the way you used your brackets, fantastic skill there- the contrast betwene your launage within them added strongly to the emotion in which the poem was written.

    the vocabulary and teh style of the piece were unique the entire way through, and the imagery in which you used was fantastic, you are a very talented writer an di look forward to reading more of your work.

    Who'd have known that all my sorrow is entertaining to you." - i feel that that is the strongest line in the poem, its got a hint of hurt and anger as well as sorrow, and it hits hom with the reader very good job xx

  • 16 years ago

    by ALEX

    This one was really good! Only a few parts were a little iffy:
    "debris now all that's left here" Just the phrasing is a little off...
    "{Yet another shard falls to pieces...}" I like this thing you do with the brackets, but the thing that got me here was a shard is something that's already a piece of something broken into pieces. It doesn't really make sense that a shard would be breaking.

    Other than those two things, really really good poem. 4.5/5 (which is really 5/5)

  • 16 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Though this is a very sad poem it also reads like a love poem that reaches every depth of the heart, soul and mind and love of every kind

    I like the structure of this poem and wound not change a thing

  • 16 years ago

    by Katie

    Wow. That was amazing. I really like your style of putting stuff in the little wiggly parenthesis thingd(what are they called?). That seems to give me a differnet view of the poem. I really loved this one. I'm putting it in my favorites!

  • 16 years ago

    by Austin

    Very nice. I must say, you greatly use your diction to your advantage. Not a huge vocabulary, but an awesome way of expressing your thoughts. Great repetition.

    Drowning, suffocating, mutely choking left with silent screams
    Everything that was once so perfect now twisted, turned so awry
    One person who used to leave me euphoric now causing the tears
    Didn't you know that without your love, all that's left to do is die?

    Especially there. "Drowning, suffocating, mutely choking left with silent screams."

    Best part of the poem. Good job.

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