He's Pulling Me Through

I'm not supposed to be thinking of you,
It's a small crime but he's pulling me through.
Running away won't do any good.
The memories still remain where they should.

dark and creepy... at first i wondered why it is in the love poems cathegory, but then i understood...
Again you paint a very vivid picture... this stanza drew me into reading...

The feelings stay and I can not rid.
Adultery - My God truly must forbid.
Committing this crime, as I feel the guilt,
Placing the balance of my heart on a tilt.

The first line seems to have the rhyme a little bit forced... the rest is awesome... once again, a beautiful imagery...

I'm not supposed to be cheating with you,
It's a small crime, but he's pulling me through.
Running away won't make me as sad;
Wishing I never said what I had.

This stanza is really quite sad... i like the repetition of the 2nd line... it feels like an echo inside your mind... :)

The gun sits where you had said;
Shiny, clean and unwillingly loaded.
I've committed this crime; and have no excuse.
It's such a small crime, and he's pulling me through.

creepy... still could be considered a dark poem, yet i understand why it is in this cathegory... this last stanza again scares... ^^
once again, (yes, i am really going to say this word again) the IMAGERY rocks... ;)

i think this is probably the best poem i read from you... it has a feeling of darkness floating through the essence of it...(i hope i am making sense... :) )

5/5 surely

*isabel*

Rhyming was simple, I thought you did a good job though keeping the poem something that the reader could enjoy as well as making it simple and easy to understand. :] I don't see any issues or flaws in this piece.. I thought the repetition was great, and it fit perfectly.. Well done sweetie!

5/5.

At times, I felt like words were ... awkwardly placed within the piece just so it would rhyme or work together. It cut the flow short randomly, but in general, it was pretty decent.

It's quite possible that this is because poetry to me is more ... metaphorical and full of imagery. It builds a sort of, ambiance around the piece and I just didn't get that. But,

I loved the repetition of

It's a small crime, but he's pulling me through.

Referring to the act as a small crime tells me that you obviously love the other person more. "Shiny, clean and unwillingly loaded." The use of unwillingly, it makes me think the one you're cheating on handed you the gun to shoot him with. He wanted you to kill him and instead you shot him in the foot or something. Hence, "small crime."

When I think about it, it's rather deep. Which is amazing, because your piece is pretty straightforward. No need to really think and look much further. The whole concept of this person pulling you through is beautiful... I get the image of someone surrounded by blood, and a clean hand reaches and grabs for her bloody one, dragging her away from the darkness of it all and although it's horrible what she did, she's still happy.

Well done :)

..__MiNDYY

You are very talented. As soon as i discovered more of your poems, the better it gets. This poem makes me think twice. Well done, kel.

The wording is off a bit in some areas. I do like how you put 'him' and 'you' together. At first I was confused like, is she going from talking in a certain way to another way. But as I read on I realized that you meant two different guys. It makes people think, which is good. The last stanza isn't the best. First is okay. The rest are decent. I think the only thing you need to work on with your poetry is making it more poetic (which deals with the flow completely). If you've no clue how to do so. I can give you IDEAS. I won't tell you but examples always seem to work for those who don't understand what I'm telling them. You're good though, keep that in mind.