Forever, Never, Goodbye

by Jenni Marie   Oct 9, 2008


{Forever...that's what you promised me}

Only now it seems forever is much shorter than originally thought
Because you're gone out of my life, and I'm left here all alone
Changing you're mind so constantly, never know just where I stand
And now I'm so desolate and empty, staring bleakly into the unknown

Staring so forlornly out the window, tears streaming down these cheeks
Grey stormy weather heading this way now matches how I feel inside
Can't bring even the smallest smile to these now lonely decaying lips
In a torrent of loneliness anguish and hurt is where I now reside

{Never...never can we be together again}

It's hurting so much as this realization slowly sinks into my mind
As memories flash through my head, destroying my entire soul
And so many friends have tried to be strong for me, to be there
They just don't realize that I'll never be able to be consoled

Because without your love, I'm slowly dying on the inside
It's knowing I had you and screwed it up that's tearing me apart
Haven't spoken to anyone in days, just sat still silently crying
Wishing I could change things, wishing that you didn't depart

{Goodbye...It's so hard to say}

You told me that moving on is probably what's best for both of us
So many reasons we can't be together, and you're probably right
Yet this heart is slowly breaking inside and nobody knows but me
Always I'm left feeling so lonely, hurt, ashamed and so contrite

Don't want to feel this pain any more, not strong enough to cope
One thing I want to do you wont let me, just want to make amends
And even though something that was once so perfect is now messed up
Can't help but hope that one day we might emerge from this as friends

{And deep down I know that wont happen...goodbye.}

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by ALEX

    You're a really dramatic writer. Your style is all strong words and harsh sounds, but sometimes in all that I lose your real meaning. Is there some kind of metaphor in there, some deeper something? It's like this vast ocean of letters and it might be hard for your readers to always stay afloat.

  • 16 years ago

    by Katie

    I really liked this. I felt like crying at the end because I really felt the poem. I wish ther ewas more to it because I liked it so much. But you did such a wonderful job!

  • 16 years ago

    by Dark Savior

    This was a very good free verse. I enjoyed the read. It was refreshing to see it from all the other rythmeing poems.

    There are some places that i think need to be improved. The reader is left to wonder if the person is sitting alone in their house, in the rain, in a tree. I would have personally like to seen a setting.

    Grey stormy weather heading this way now matches how I feel inside

    I also would have left the "How I feel inside" I think that is convayed when you say about the storm.

    I think that the way you gap this is really good. {And deep down I know that wont happen...goodbye.} I'm not struck on the brackets around it, but hey, I just like the fact that it's there.

    This is a really good poem and I enjoyed the read. I hope you put the advice to good use.

    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Brittany C

    Hmm, with sentences you almost have to breack them down to make the flow work. Maybe try using some punctuation to help with this. It would make it easier to read.
    I see this mostly in the 2nd stanza. (This is just a suggestion)
    I really liked this poem, it is kind of sad. I'm sure that there are people who could relate. I gave it a 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Hollymariee

    I like the { } lines . I think its different .
    However .
    It's hurting so much as this realization slowly sinks into my mind
    As memories flash through my head, destroying my entire soul
    And so many friends have tried to be strong for me, to be there
    They just don't realize that I'll never be able to be consoled

    Because without your love, I'm slowly dying on the inside
    It's knowing I had you and screwed it up that's tearing me apart
    Haven't spoken to anyone in days, just sat still silently crying
    Wishing I could change things, wishing that you didn't depart

    The rhymes in these two stanzas don't really go . Soul and consouled don't rhyme .. And wierdly enough they sound too much alike . I just contradicted myself but i hope you understand .
    and apart and depart sound too much alike .. Theres better rhymes . It threw me off .

    Otherwise , really good flow , lots of big words (Y) & good rhyming for the rest of the poem . still 5/5

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