I never really understood

Today i went up to your tomb and i stood with out crying. I got on my knees and asked why you. i knew i didnt have you close to protect me i knew you couldnt but i never really cared i remember i would cry and ask for mom but all you said was she doesnt care. She walked out the day i was bored leaving me without caring. I lost you but at least you were alive. I now walk the streets alone wishing it would rain so it could cover my tears. To this point i really dont understand why i cry I mean all i have is myself but i hate myself but that all i can do