We are just passengers of boat sailing on a cruise
trying to let go of things we don't want to lose
the more we try, the more our heart refuse
knowing that there is always choices for us to choose
^^^A poem with a deeper meaning:)
Indeed we always have a choice, my friend.
Only time can tell if we have made the right one, but we should always follow our heart:)
Hugs,
5/5 Ingrid
15 years ago
by The Prince
Deep meaning here, and there are some good lines but you have too much forced rhyme, and some sentences that break the flow.
'a situation that often leaves us feel confuse'
*leaves us confused*
'so it would be wise if we not let it bruise'
This line doesn't make sense, so you could rephrase it, don't sacrifice grammar for rhyme, mate.
'
the light that was once bright is now diffuse
the darkness seems to be blinding our view
it makes us wonder how does feel to be in other's shoe
would we be better or would we be screwed?'
This was better but it should be 'diffused', remember tenses.
Just needs some tidying up, and this will be a good poem..