Comments : Muse

  • 16 years ago

    by Ingrid

    We are just passengers of boat sailing on a cruise
    trying to let go of things we don't want to lose
    the more we try, the more our heart refuse
    knowing that there is always choices for us to choose

    ^^^A poem with a deeper meaning:)
    Indeed we always have a choice, my friend.
    Only time can tell if we have made the right one, but we should always follow our heart:)

    Hugs,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 15 years ago

    by The Prince

    Deep meaning here, and there are some good lines but you have too much forced rhyme, and some sentences that break the flow.

    'a situation that often leaves us feel confuse'

    *leaves us confused*

    'so it would be wise if we not let it bruise'

    This line doesn't make sense, so you could rephrase it, don't sacrifice grammar for rhyme, mate.

    '
    the light that was once bright is now diffuse
    the darkness seems to be blinding our view
    it makes us wonder how does feel to be in other's shoe
    would we be better or would we be screwed?'

    This was better but it should be 'diffused', remember tenses.

    Just needs some tidying up, and this will be a good poem..