Was it too much to ask for?

All I ever wanted was your attention.
I tried so hard just to make you notice.

The eldest was the first,
so naturally he got most of it &
to make it worse he was smart.
The second one was plain naughty
& to think he got the rest of it.
But I still tried,I studied.
Wishfully thinking,
I thought maybe if i studied.
Ithought if i was smart enough
i could get you to look at me.

But it didn't work that way.

I tried very hard.
I told myself that
i shouldn't make you cry like the second.
That i should always be ther for you.
That i would always lend a listening ear to you.

But where were you when i needed you?
But nevertheless i still tried.

And today for the first time,
i take off that fake smile and i put up
what i've always wanted to show.
Just hoping,just wishing maybe just maybe....
You might see how much hurt i am.

Yet you don't even look me in the eye. Why?
Are you afraid to see such a sad me?
Are you afraid that it is your fault and you dare not try to ask me the problem?

Or is it

That you really can't see that i'm sad?
Can't you see i just want you to notice?

But right now
I'M OVER IT.
I couldn't care much about you anymore

Yea i wish hah.

I can't do it.
& i wont
because then,
there won't be a difference between you..
& me.

~Years later~

And i laugh whenever
i think that
all i ever wanted was a little bit of attention.

The attention that i never managed to receive