Foreign Hero.

by Stephanie   Oct 18, 2008


Thank you Dani for helping me with the end. Ilysm.
- http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/author.html?id=242161

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I'm being swallowed by your remedies,
And touched by all of your heartaches.
You're intent on bringing me down slowly,
And you're stealing all that you can take.

You've given me your lonely wisdom,
But I don't really hold it close to heart.
Your words are full of complex lies,
That are intent on ripping me apart.

Words that are depicted upon deception,
I have to bury myself in them all.
Why did you promise to stay with me,
If you were just going to let me fall?

You held my hand like a hero,
Promising to bear with every bit of me.
But then came the hurricane of the world,
And you've changed who you used to be.

I can't sense your presence in my life,
Your eyes don't seem to look the same.
And no matter what I want you to believe,
I struggle in just saying your name.

The words 'I love you' seem foreign,
Like they're words I've never heard before.
But quite honestly, no matter what happens,
I'll always hug you to my very core.

October 17, 2008
(c) Stephanie Lynn.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Sora

    Bravo!! a beautiful poem. very detailed and mesmerizing. the emotions were quite clear and you got your message across perfectly.

    Words that are depicted upon deception,
    I have to bury myself in them all.
    Why did you promise to stay with me,
    If you were just going to let me fall?

    i liked that stanza the most. especially the last two lines. very creative, it seems this piece of work came from your heart, what a wonderful thing. also, the title is a great eye catcher. job well done. 5/5.

    -Ashlei.

  • 16 years ago

    by Sydney

    This is one of the best poems I've read in a long time. You're an excellent writer and this is an extremely beautiful poem! Amaaazing work! 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by dora

    Naww your poem was very touching. very well written. good choice of words and flow was good. xo

  • 16 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    I'll start with two small critiques-
    "You given me" in the second stanza should be "you've given me" or "you have given me" or "you gave me".
    I like the rhymes throughout the poem, but in the last stanza before/core seemed a bit forced to me. I think that this is a greatly written piece and that it should have more powerful/emotional ending. Your ending line is good, but I think it could be more effective.
    Other than those^^^ this is truly an enjoyable read. I could relate to this poem in so many ways which made it even more effective to me. I like your choice of words along with the whole atmosphere that you created.

    - I'm being swallowed by your remedies,
    And touched by all of your heartaches.
    You're intent on bringing me down slowly,
    And you're stealing all that you can take.-
    ^^^
    This is my favorite stanza from the poem. This beginning is absolutely amazing and it pulled me deeply into the poem and made me want to read more. Intelligent and emotional, also very original. Greatly written, all in all.

    I just noticed one more thing when I re-read the piece. You have word "lies"in the second stanza and it fits there perfectly, but the repetition of it in the third stanza ruins the flow. Maybe you can replace it with the word 'deceptions' in the third stanza, so that line would be:
    "Words that are depicted upon deceptions"

    Overall, I really like this write. It is filled with heartfelt emotions and it is very refreshing, not as cliche as many poems in the 'sad' section are.

    Keep up!

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