Alone (rictameter)

by Brittany C   Oct 20, 2008


Alone
lost in darkness
hazy, numb, shivering cold.
Looking for him, the one you love.
Trying to get back to where you felt safe.
Only to drift backwards again.
Lost and lonely
Alone.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    I like this, so you must be doing something right as I usually can't stand this form :D

    The only thing I found was that

    "hazy, numb, shivering cold"

    Has seven syllables instead of six.

    But apart from that I really liked this.
    The imagery you placed in this created some very vivid pictures for me as the reader while the flow (with that one exception) was perfect throughout.

    The melancholy and loss seeps through your written words here in such a painful way that my heart drops with sorrow with each line that I read.

    I often find this style difficult but here you manage to make it look effortless.

  • 16 years ago

    by Hollymariee

    I like the structure .. I've never seen one of these before . I wanna write one now : P . Um , good emotions and wording .. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Beautiful Forever

    Again, very great poem. The word usage was excellent and I felt this poem. Only... the guidelines are off a little.

    I'm pretty sure it goes: 2 4 6 8 10 8 6 4 2 right?

    Yours is: 2 4 2 8 10 8 2 2 -- you're missing a line. And the syllable are off a little.

    Back words is "backwards". (won't change the syllables so it's still ok)

    I really did enjoy this poem, but if you're writing to a style... please do better to follow the guidelines. And I only point it out to help you, honestly... I love your poems and I want to see you aspire and become a great poet.

    So it kills me to give this a 4/5 ... but I really did enjoy the poem. Good write!

  • 16 years ago

    by Dark Savior

    Very well done. I liked how you used the same word to open as you did to close, it really nailed home the point, that is something that I think you should do when You can on small poems.

    flow was a little less polished than some of the others that I glanced through by you.

    I enjoyed the poem all in all, I really don't have too much advice to give other than keep challenging yourself and writing different styles of poetry.

    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Beautiful Forever

    I really loved this poem. The concept, the flow, the word usage... all very amazing. This was beautifully written and enjoyable to read! 5/5 for sure... Keep it up!