Am I Alive Or Just Breathing?

Is it common for others to feel this way?
Is it common for others to shoot a gun this way?

Am I alive?

Or am I just breathing?

I can't tell the difference,
between fantasy and actuality.
What's in my head.
And what the medicine clears.

What the voices scream,
and what cannot be heard.
What they see,
and what I allow them to believe.

Do others think this way?
Morbid and demented?
Confined, but tried.

To end this bitter taste of life.
With your very own knife.