Candid Outlook

by ghosts in bloom   Oct 21, 2008


Holding hands, caressing nights, fervent hearts,
What we had seemed perfect from the very start.
Electric love coursed quickly through our veins,
Pumping up this relationships new found fame.

Our connection envied by all of those around,
Their heads in the sky, our feet on the ground.
How lucky of us to find each other so young,
A sweet companion in whose arms I hung.

Days became brighter, while nights melted away,
Swallowing like vitamins each word you would say.
I predetermined deficiency on the day that you left,
But time has now proven intuitions petty theft.

Your love was callous, synthetic, and bold.
On your winged smile, by soft lies was I sold.
Until curiosity surfaced, and to my benefit now,
Discovered your mistress; our memory disavowed.

Fast-forward to current day: whole and carefree
Life comes together while you grovel at my feet.
That feeling of perfect love, I had only guessed to exist,
That's why I'm the opportunity, and you're just the pessimist.

October 20th 2008
(c) Novalyn Grace RRL

[~For a club contest~]

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Light A Way

    I absolutely love this poem!!!..The wording is just so amazing..I think you are a very good writer, one of my favorites on here..

    well done!!
    5/5 :)

  • 16 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "Holding hands, caressing nights, fervent hearts,
    What we had seemed perfect from the very start."
    `Very beautiful, and yes you'd expect that would be nearly perfect. . . I have the feeling that won't be the case at the end of this poem however.. :/

    "Electric love coursed quickly through our veins,
    Pumping up this relationships new found fame."
    `Great flow! annd the vocabulary is flawless... this jussst reallly flows so smoothly. Your words are jussst amazing!

    "Swallowing like vitamins each word you would say."
    `Wow! I had to stop.. because you just totally worded this oh so nicely.. and very uniquely as well. I have never heard such a thing like this before.. this simile was very unique!

    "Your love was callous, synthetic, and bold. "
    `Amazing description!!

    "On your winged smile, by soft lies was I sold."
    `:/

    Ending - wooow.. I am literally left speechless reading it.

    Your an amazing poet, and I don't think you need to be told, loll. You are verry talented, and your work is so fun to read. :]

    Well done!!
    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Blissful

    First of all Congrats on the win! This poem wasa true masterpiece and blew me away! Your rhyming was flawless with nothing seeming forced or out of place. Your choice of words werent too complex and fit the poem perfectly. I love the descriptions in the beginning because it lured me in and had me wanting to read more. Your title fit the poem nicely and made sense with the overall meaning. I could feel each emotion you expressed and the happy ending was just the cherry on the top. Beautifully written.

    "Swallowing like vitamins each word you would say."
    ^So unique and nicely written! I loved it, made me smile. :]

    Well done!
    *5/5* :]

  • 16 years ago

    by The Prince

    Fervent, ah what a lovely word to use :]
    I love your use of language, they're not hackneyed, it's poetic and it's deep yet the words are not too long and easily understandable. I feel you touch the reader very well here.
    I loved this particular line

    "Swallowing like vitamins each word you would say."

    I'm very envious of your style. Love poems tend to bore me a bit, but poets like you and bliss rekindle my faith :] Your title was catchy and fitted the poem perfectly.
    There is nothing critical to say
    Excellently crafted.
    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Manish

    Great job, Can't help reading every poem of yours.......... 5/5

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