Dad

by xX-jess-Xx   Oct 22, 2008


I remember when you stood with pride,
stood up tall and didn't hide,
kept your deepest fears inside,
scorned the times you ever cried.
I kept your secrets like they were mine,
acted strong like it was fine,
showed you I could toe the line,
never shout and never whine.
I remember how you smiled at me,
played and acted wild with me,
being such a child with me,
was never ever mild to me.

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  • 16 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "never shout and never whine."
    `Your talking past tense for the whole poem BUT this line, which makes this line stick out to me, because it doesn't sound right. .. "Never shouted nor whined" maybe would be a better way of stating it. Shouted doesn't sound correct to me, is there another word you could use here?

    Great flow and rhyme. It's a short poem yet it shows that you remember your father in a positive way, which is great. Touching write, great work.. 5/5. (:

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