First and foremost I like your allusion to Linking's park "Shadow of the Day" in your title. It's a great song.

I had to read this poem twice to figure it all out and I stil don't think I have perticularily gotten it right but I guess poems are interpreted different by each person.
Anyway, I love your use of words. It's fantastic. You vocabulary is rich and ofcourse this adds to the poem.
My favourite lines have to be:

"Twisted, wrapped and tied by society's sinful wrath
Forming and generating a horrid yet mysterious path."

^Something is very powerful about that. It describes life from the eyes of someone who has endured treacherous pain. The reader can sense the horrible things that might have occured in this person's life. Yet the mysterious part still leaves something untold..which I find clever and wonderful.

Thanks for the comment on my poem. :)
I enjoyed reading this. Keep writing.
--Viola

Wow very strong verses and rhyming

I love it 5/5 :]

n thanks for the comment, very much appreciated!

How do morals form pain?
You can't leave a speck of trace.

Your rhyme is very fourced in this, and the poem took ages to read, but not in a good way.
I think it's because your lines are too long, there's too many sylabols that are hard to get your head around, and a lot of the time what you're saying doesn't quite make sense.
"This little baby is wrenched by life's basic barbaric brawl."
Take out basic.

I guess I don't really agree with the poem, you speak of society yet the baby hasn't left the hospital, hasn't seen anything, or so I'm assuming from what you've written.

Other than that, this was still good, you have a good vocabulary, you just need to know where to use it (and how, possibly). This wasn't that bad, sorry if the comment makes it seem as though it is.
I like what you're talking about, it's a fresh view on what I'd imagine would be a touchy subject for some.
And I like the point of view you take it from.
4/5

jess ~

Good poem. I enjoyed the read, I thought that the poem was going to be a pure metaphor, or perhaps a simile.

I looked through the poem and the more I read the more that some of the places that you did seemed like they weren't mashing well together. "Speck of trace" in the last verse just didn't seem to go there, Is it suppose to be "speck or trace"? If it's not then I think you should consider redoing that part.

I like the rest of the poem, you seemed to force some of the descriptions as there is a great deal of subjects that you touched on, but that is all you did was touch on them, I would have liked to see you go more indepth with each subject.

Very well done poem and I enjoyed the read.

Thank you so much.

Nice poem, The flow and rhyming are great. Idk what else to say about it. I see nothing wrong with it. 5.5

Yea first of all i had some difficulties in understanding,so i red it about 5 times :) sorry thats maybe coz my english not so good.so its really strong poem.you are using some hard words,that makes poem even better than if it was written in simple ones :) and finally rhyme.its the best thing in this poem :) 5/5

Umm well i am completly speechless. you have an incredible vocabulary but you use it in a confusing way(well at least to me)..yet i cannot believe how talented you truly are, even if i didnt get the poem its flow was amazing.

The rhyme of sane and vain sounded rather forced. Those two lines just ... didn't really go well together for me. But other than that, I found this is to be an amazing write. Your words crawl off the page and it's just breathtaking the way they scrape at the reader. The vocabulary was basic, but it sounded extremely sophisticated--which is good, because writing on this type of topic, it's a need to be serious and straightforward.

Nicely done, m'dear.
..__MiNDYY

I read this poem and couldn't believe how amazing this was. The flow, the emotion behind the words takes my thoughts into the poem. Your vocabulary is also stunning. I enjoyed it. 5/5
Candice

It is a very intersting poem, yet i spent a good deal of time trying to understand it...
(not your fault, of course, my english needs only to be emproved... )

I don't think the rhyme to be forced, it seems to be pretty well...
The beginning sounds a bit off, in terms of flow (the first 2 verses), maybe because there are a lot of words with "r"...
The rest of the poem flows wonderfully...
The verses are long, but I don't think it to be bad, everyone has a different style of writing...

The form of the poem is intersting... It would be a couplet sonnet, if I am not mistaken...
(i am actually very fond of sonnets... :) )

5/5 i'd say =)

*keep going*

isabel

Dark but very real for most begining with that awakening superficial slap

very well written... you have not lost it

I'm envious of you if this is indeed a sonnet, the only sonnets I've ever heard have been a bit pompous. Though of course they were in English class.. I never quite grasped the rhythm.

It's interesting how you choose to highlight the brutality of life. I always wonder where the difference is...who's wrong? Are the people who think the world is a bright place just optimistic? Are those of us who see it for it's dark and sinister self pessimistic?

Very sophisticated style and vocabulary there - it was really good, I liked it.
Thanks for the comment on my poem too. :)

Wow that was very stong and Emotional
Thanks for reading my poems
5/5
Lots of love Ciara.....x

You seem to always have such a flawless word choice and flow in everything you write. It makes it so much more interesting to read when everything is so smooth and well put together. I could just feel the deep and powerful emotions you were expressing and the darkness beneath it all was mind blowing. You truly are a rare talent. You kept me interest from beginning to end telling a tale full of meaning. Thank you for sharing.

Well done.
*5/5* :]

Your word choice and flow really [wowed] me in this piece. Your style as I have gathered is really intriguing to read. Every line in this seemed to ooze very powerful and sincere emotions. I really enjoyed the story portrayed. I was a bit confused about the wording on the last line though, "speck of trace" ... it would make more sense to me as "speck or trace," but that is just a suggestion. Otherwise, I think this piece is incredibly strong. You have a knack at writing powerful couplets I have noticed (; Makes the form really end with a punch. Great work, keep it up.

This is very well done. The word choice is fantastic. Personally, as I can't use large words most of the time, I found this really touching considering I couldn't do something like it myself. Nice job.

I love your vocabulary.
every single word choice was perfect!