Going Back (Its long though)

Going back to the way I used to be is harder than being what I became,
It hurts to forget and everyday it brings a new feeling of searing pain to my body.
I feel every once of the change as my body fights to go back to its former self,
Even I hate what I was and I hate what I am,
The mind never forgets, just lapses from memory to memory until everything is hidden away,
So not even I can find it.
I begin to forget who I have become and what made me this way,
I begin to mold into my old memory and that was what I wished to lose so much,
To feel nothing is the ultimate pain in the world.
No matter what they say, feeling no love and only feeling hate is the worst kind of pain in the world.
I go back to the way of old and begin yet a new in the way I was to behold a memory or an image of beauty created by the mind,
Until that image has no value and everything worked so hard for is forgotten and you
have to fall onto shoulders you would rather let be alone.
Sometimes we just cant help what happens and what we are,
So after all these years of pain I have to forget about this dream of being what ill never be.
To forget everything but what is important,
Whatever it may be a friend, a love or even a pet, an image of comfort, of importance is what should never be forgotten and even these images we have to let have space,
To let them live a life without you,
That way they may experience, what you may never have the chance to.

(sorry its so long)