Dare

by Ares   Oct 29, 2008


Stare in to me.
let me feel your eyes laid on me.
then tell me how you feel.

look through me.
search for my darkest thought.
then let me know you're not scared.

pour me your sickest dream,
watch me as I compare it to mine.
then confess me to be darker.

shine your light on me,
take away that scares you most.
watch me unfold to become the one you love.

the one you would hate to love.

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  • 16 years ago

    by Gabba Gabba Hey

    Two grammatical/spelling things that I would fix:
    in the third stanza, third line, I personally think this would be better:
    'then confess mine to be darker' instead of 'me'. It goes with the previous sentences better. (in my opinion)
    and then in the last stanza, second line, I think you meant 'what' instead of 'that'
    Though I do really like this poem, the ending seems a bit abrupt to me. Perhaps a one liner at the end?
    I like the idea of 'pouring' the sickest dream. I don't know, it kind of resonates and gives me the chills.
    I like it!