Our Story (Pt 1)

I love the play on
love and play are such similar games"
this was really good it flowed well and i really liked it and theres nothing wrong with being sudden. i think its sweet

Nice wording , and the rhymes are really good and seem to flow perfectly . There's really nothing bad to say , 5/5

To me that is the ultimate task of a poem is to reach the one it was written for I may know everything about iambic pentameter but I know beauty and this poem is beautiful

Fantastic. Wonderful really.

Your tears screamed my name with regret,
Hoping that I would see them falling,
Your heart knew it would never forget,
Or be deaf to the sound of mine calling,

This stanza stuck out to me the most.
i'm a huge sucker for personafication. The way you put ears and a mouth on a heart. Wow nice. 5/5 . i really like this one alot.

I thought what I was doing was right,
I was being led on by my own deceptions,
You held me close to you every night,
But my brain was confusing receptions,

-good start, nothing that grabbed my attention right off the bat, but it was a good start, which is promising.

Love and play were such similar games,
I confused the two for a stupid mistake,
Now my heart is refusing to switch names,
I pushed without seeing that we'd break,

- I pushed without seeing that we'd break. Good line, I enjoyed that way you flipped it and put it that way. Where it gets interesting for me. The play and game line was good, I like this Stanza.

Blind to the truth I've eventually lost,
You watched me slowly tear us apart,
I never noticed you were paying the cost,
Or that I was sacrificing your heart,

-another alright Stanza. The Heart and Apart rythme is used a lot, but I enjoyed it the way you put it. The end Line in this Stanza, sort of doesn't sit well with me..not sure why, just feel odd about it, maybe it's just me.

Your tears screamed my name with regret,
Hoping that I would see them falling,
Your heart knew it would never forget,
Or be deaf to the sound of mine calling,

-Favorite Stanza. The Similie of the deaf heart is really a good one, It's very unique and very well done. Love this Stanza!

Now I'm the one pleading for attention,
Running frantically toward your signs,
Perhaps they're all beyond comprehension,
Am I failing to read between the lines?

-This Stanza was really good. I enjoyed the fact that it was flipped backwards at the end, and now you just cant allow yourself not to read the second part of it. Great way to end it.

All in all the poem was a really good one. I think that the 4th Stanza is absolutely amazing and really love it. The whole poem is well put together and the concept of having your gf do the second part is a very old one, but it doesn't mean that it's not a good one.

I enjoy this poem and feel that it's well thought out, like each word was put in that place for a specific reason, certain parts didn't sit well with me, but for the most part the poem was very well done.

5/5